About Coach Jack Ito, PhD

Clinical Psychologist, Marriage and Relationship Coach


Jack and Toshie Ito
Dr. Jack Ito and Toshie Ito

I’ve been coaching and counseling for 24 years. During this time, I’ve had the opportunity to help many men and women who have had relationship challenges similar to yours, develop solutions to help them reconnect and rebuild.

Most people want to get help with problems they can’t fix by themselves.  The alternative is let the relationship gradually come to an end.  There are a variety of resources you can use to improve your relationship.  You can use the internet and read books when your problems are only mild.  As your problems become more serious, you can get marriage counseling or coaching.  That’s where I come in.  As you can see from this website, I have particular expertise in two key areas:  1)  restoring love in strained relationships; and 2) helping people to be both secure and loving when their behaviors are putting their relationship at risk.

There are a few differences between my marriage and relationship coaching and others.  I teach people how to save even badly damaged relationships without “checking for compatibility,” without advocating that people “give space,” and without deceptive tricks and manipulation.  Instead, I help my clients to build love and connection through the use of sincere and honest relationship skills. I also help people to stop doing things that damage their partner’s love for them, like being needy.

Some people try to make their partner change by making threats.  Others patiently wait for change to happen all by itself. You won’t find either of these methods in my writing or my coaching.  These ways don’t work because they don’t deal with the real problem.  The real problems are how do we love each other despite our differences, and how do we deal with our own and our partner’s insecurities without losing our love for one another?  Our partner’s behaviors may hurt us, but that is not the motivation behind their behavior.  So, instead of blaming them for hurting us, we need to find a secure and loving way to reconnect with them and have a mutually loving and respectful relationship.

Someone once told me it’s not what someone does to you that determines who you are, but how you respond to what they do.  If what your spouse is doing is hurting you, the answer to that is not ending your marriage.  It’s learning how to be loved and respected as an equal.  And, if you are mistreating your spouse out of your own insecurity, you know you need to stop hurting your spouse before you lose his or her love.

So, what kind of help do you need?  And, when do you intend to get it?  The answers to those questions will make more difference than anything else you do for the rest of your relationship.

Find answers to frequently asked questions here.


Jack Ito PhD,

Licensed Clinical Psychologist, Marriage and Relationship Coach