What to Do When Your Wife Wants to Divorce and Be Friends
Posted On June 22, 2021
If your wife wants to divorce and be friends, it is because she believes she can have the best of both worlds (being single and married). You will need to follow the correct path to end your wife’s destructive fantasy and stay married.
Women are being sold a lie. It’s part of the anti-family, anti-God agenda apparent in our society. The lie is that they can have all the benefits of a marital relationship with none of the costs. They may even be looked down on if they stay committed to their husband.
There is a path for men to prevent this, but very few men know it. It does not have anything to do with convincing. It is also not a matter of fixing marriage problems.
This article will give you the clear path.
The problem with divorcing and staying friends
The divorce and stay friends model does not actually work for women. Within a year, their now ex-husbands are in serious relationships with other women. While wives are able to gain their freedom, they end up losing their husbands. But, by then, it it is too late for them to reconcile.
Husbands can help to prevent this sad outcome. I have helped many men to ruin their wives pipe dream and spare them the pain that would follow. Handled the wrong way, with pursuit and submission, divorce is all but assured.
Understand why your wife wants to divorce and be friends
Her marriage to you is not fulfilling
Many couples have allowed their marriages to become stale. They have focused their efforts on everything but their relationship. Many couples have stopped dating, spending time together, or having an enjoyable sex life, and have become roommates.
Women in these relationships often still care about their husbands, but have little to lose by divorcing them. In fact, working on divorce often renews their husbands’ interest in them—something they could not have just by staying together.
The promise of something better
Women don’t divorce because their marriages are bad. They only divorce when they have hope for something better. This is why simply making your marriage better won’t keep her from divorcing. She can imagine that after divorce you will still get together for dates, family activities, vacations, and holidays.
She imagines you will have regular contact and that divorcing will enhance your relationship. She also imagines that she will be free to date others and will tell you that of course you will be able to do the same. Compared to what she has now, that is pretty appealing for her.
To fit in with her friends
When husbands disconnect, women often connect with other women. They fill-in for what they lost with their husbands. The more time your wife spends with other women, the more she will need to be like them in order to be accepted by them.
A married woman in relationships with divorced women can feel like the odd one out. It is very unlikely that her friends will envy her. Instead, they will try to make her envy them. There will be a lot of talk of feelings and opportunities your wife may be missing out on by staying married.
One look in the mirror will tell her that her window of opportunity is closing. She won’t want to miss out.
Not all men should try to reconcile
I know how to help men reconcile from all kinds of situations. But, not all men should seek to reconcile. If a man wants to prevent his wife from divorcing, but has no real desire for a better relationship with her, then he will not be able to sustain a good marriage.
Responsibility and concern for the children are good, but insufficient. A man also has to have a true love and concern for his wife. Fear of being alone and fear of failure are also not sufficient reasons to reconcile. These are actually needy and unattractive qualities that promote friendship and not the romance a wife would rather have. If that is you, then get to work on overcoming your neediness.
Your choices when your wife wants to divorce and be friends
1. Accept her idea
If you are one of the men who shouldn’t reconcile (see previous section), then going along with your wife’s idea may be for the best. It takes time, consistency, and effort to create the conditions for your wife to want to stay married. You will then need to maintain that connection for the rest of your life.
If your heart is not in it, then you will be better off to join in with your wife on her plan. You will get along well, there won’t be any conflict, and being divorced may be much better than your marriage—just like your wife says.
2. Work to persuade her to change her mind
This is a common but wrong approach. Men, realizing they have dropped the ball on their marriage, seek to improve everything. They spend more time with her, treat her better, and do more around the house.
While their wives may enjoy the changes, that will do nothing to reduce her hopes for divorce and staying friends. Ultimately, it results in conflict when men find that their improvements don’t change her plans. And the conflict also encourages her to divorce.
3. Ruin her plans and reconcile
This is the winning strategy for saving your marriage. It will make your wife very upset, since it will dash all of her hopes for divorcing and staying friends. It works best when your relationship is basically good and she does not want to lose you.
There is no pursuit or attempt to change her mind with this choice. You agree to divorce, but not to staying friends after. While separated, you have good separation boundaries that let her discover exactly what divorce will be like.
At the same time, you work on becoming an attractive man (the kind she wouldn’t want to lose) and use good connection skills (attraction and connection skills are part of the Re-Connections Coaching Package).
This will put her in a bind and make her very upset. She would have more freedom by divorcing you, but she would lose you also. How much she fears losing you and is willing to give up her idea to divorce depend entirely on you.
It depends on your ability to become the kind of person she does not want to lose. It also depends on your ability to maintain good boundaries that would make her fear losing you entirely upon divorce.
What to expect
If you follow the path of ruining her plans, she will at first be very angry. If you are needy or a people-pleaser, that will make you back down and get with her plan. If that doesn’t work, she will then become very nice and use her charms to get you to go along with her. She may have sex with you for the first time in months.
If you can get through these two manipulations while maintaining good boundaries, staying attractive, and using good connection skills, she will give up her plan to divorce and be friends. This takes time and work. Impatience will only set you back.
Once reconciled, you will need to continue to be attractive and to maintain good connection skills. You only get so many chances to reconcile and this is likely to be your last one.
If you become unattractive, argumentative, or have poor boundaries, then she will move to divorce you. Why wouldn’t she? Your argumentativeness will make it more appealing to leave. Also, your poor boundaries would assure her of your continued friendship. Having a relationship coach to get you through this time with the right skills can make the difference between staying married and divorcing.