A tough love approach for men and women whose spouse is having an affair
(If you are already separated, go here instead)
- Live, One-on-one Coaching by Phone or Skype, (With or Without Web Camera)
- International Clients Welcome
You have discovered your spouse is having an affair. What you haven’t discovered is whether he or she will end it to save your marriage. Let me help you deal with it in the least damaging, most effective way. You have every right to divorce if your spouse is having an affair. I would agree with you that is fair and a secure way to handle things. And, I also agree that you must NEVER live with or have sex with a spouse who is having an affair. But, did you know that many people do reconcile following an affair? They don’t do it by being all loving or by having all boundaries, but by a combination of the two. If your spouse is having an affair, you need to both get respect and create a desire in your spouse to reconnect with you. You must be strong enough to confront your spouse and not give him or her permission to have another partner and you, too. But, you must also know how to do this in a loving way.
Here’s how this coaching package will help you to end your spouse’s affair and rebuild your marriage:
- You will learn how to correctly combine boundaries with love to foster love while also fostering respect for you.
- If have not yet confronted your spouse, then we will prepare for your confrontation.
- You will learn how to force a separation if your spouse does not immediately give up his or her affair. There is no option for continuing to live together while an affair is going on. (Beware of coaches who tell you that you can stop an affair simply by building your relationship as they are just trying to sell you a lot of sessions and with their approach, your spouse will enjoy your relationship AND the affair at the same time. You will lose respect, and ultimately, your relationship).
- You will learn to build your relationship after the separation.
- The emphasis will be on good boundaries, clear, honest, and open communication.
- You can be confident that your behavior will build respect while also giving your spouse the best conditions for reconciling.
How much better could you sleep at night knowing you were giving your marriage the best chance to work?
There is nothing easy about dealing with an affair. But, handled correctly, it can be the chance for a new beginning.
Love must be tough and this is never more true than when your spouse is having an affair. Having worked with many men and women in this situation, I know that people more often get lies than the truth, and fighting instead of cooperation. I know that when confronted, a person’s first instinct is to lie, and lie strongly, then after that to blame and distance. Unprepared, it can be hard to deal with these responses in a secure way that will leave you feeling in control. Your spouse may retreat from you and leave you not knowing what is going on internally, or in his or her relationship with the other man or woman. It’s a perfect setup for continuing to feel used and rejected. It can leave you “on hold,” while your spouse is either deciding what to do or is secretly preparing to leave you. With this coaching package, you won’t feel like you are being “left on hold.” Also, you will be prepared to not only respond to the way your spouse talks to you, but also to do the unexpected–to connect. We won’t treat your spouse like he or she is evil (better just to get out if you want to do that), but will treat your spouse with firm boundaries and compassion. To help you understand this, let me help you to imagine something:
Imagine that you had an affair because you thought something was terribly missing in your life (maybe because of problems in your marriage or a mid-life crisis). You didn’t know how to get that from your spouse, but found someone who gave that to you. It made you feel wonderful, but you also had big knots in your stomach and would feel sick thinking about how this would hurt your spouse. Then, you are confronted by your spouse and told how terrible you are and that you have one chance to hold onto your marriage or else. So, you end the affair, but your spouse keeps treating you like crap because of what you did. You know you deserve it, but you feel so alone, rejected, and disgusting. You are afraid of going to counseling because you think it will just be a blamefest that you will have to endure. You are imagining that the rest of your marriage is going to be a long, unhappy sacrifice.
You have to have good boundaries with your spouse, but you also need to have compassion and a willingness to connect. Otherwise, even if you save your marriage, you will lose it. That’s why I work with you on being tough, but being loving, too.
Every affair is unique
There is a big difference between a spouse who has an affair after only a couple of years of marriage versus a spouse who has an affair after 30 years of marriage. There’s also a big difference between a spouse who has an affair when his or her marriage is going well and a spouse who has an affair during a loveless and distant marriage. While you need to have good boundaries, and while you are not to blame for the affair, you may be a small or large part of what is wrong with your marriage. You will need help in taking responsibility for your part and creating an invitation to stop the damage and create an entirely new and better relationship with your spouse. This marriage coaching package was created to help you with the most stressful and delicate time that any marriage can face.
Here is what you will get with this one month, all-inclusive marriage coaching package:
Features Included in Basic, Standard, and Deluxe Packages:
- Four one-on-one sessions with me, Coach Jack. I guarantee that every time we talk together, you will walk away knowing what to do next. Real coaching is not talk therapy. It is learning to apply a specific set of skills to reach the goals you want to reach. This package will help you know what to say and prepare you for your spouse’s reactions.
- A relationship assessment, to help you understand the issues in your marriage that may be contributing to your spouse’s desire for someone else. This information will be essential for connecting with your spouse and rebuilding your marriage.
- A life assessment. You will use this to start making yourself into a secure, happy, and successful person. This is essential for making your spouse feel like he or she could be losing someone of value.
Additional Features Included with Standard and Deluxe Packages:
- Coaching summaries after every session (or optional mp3 recording). With my relationship coaching, you don’t need to hurriedly try to take notes and talk at the same time. After every session, you will receive a summary of the main points and action steps from that session. Referring to your coaching summary between sessions will help to keep you on track and confident that you know what to do.
Hi Rachel, in today’s session we talked about how to confront your husband about his affair and practiced dealing with a few ways he might respond. Here are some reminders:
- Make sure you pick a public place. You decided that you would like meet at the …
- There is no need to be hostile when you are talking, in fact you should…
- If he asks for your evidence that he is having an affair, be sure not to…
- (plus more bullet points)
- Personal, daily help. When you select the Deluxe package you will be able to be able to receive responses to your email questions on any business day. Enjoy the security of getting a quick answer to what’s troubling you without needing to wait until the next session. This can save you many sleepless nights, especially at the start of our work together.
Client email: Coach Jack, my wife said she wasn’t seeing that guy anymore, but I just discovered that they were texting during her work time today. What should I do when she comes home? Coach Jack’s response: Hi John, I know this sounds awful, but we don’t know exactly what the message was about. Be sure not to trick your wife into lying to you, but let her know what you know. Use the same method we talked about for listening during a confrontation to hear her out about it.
For the same price you would pay for a weekend away, you can improve your relationship for a lifetime. (Six month financing is available for US citizens through PayPal).
Basic package (Four 30 minute sessions + above features): $493.90
Standard package (Four 45 minute sessions + above features): $740.85
Deluxe package (Four 60 minute sessions + above features): $1187.80