A tough and loving approach for men and women whose spouse is having an affair
- Live, One-on-one Coaching by Phone or Skype, (With or Without Web Camera)
- International Clients Welcome
You have discovered your spouse is having an affair. What you haven’t discovered is whether he or she will end it to save your marriage. Let me help you deal with it in the least damaging, most effective way. You have every right to divorce if your spouse is having an affair. I would agree with you that is fair and a secure way to handle things. But, what I can’t tell you is if that really is the best choice for you. You see, affairs, like other damaging behaviors, happen for a few different reasons. If the reason is that your spouse is an unloving, selfish, no good spouse, then end your marriage. You are not going to transform such a person into a caring sensitive spouse. But, if you have a basically good spouse, who is using an affair to cope with personal problems or with problems in your marriage, I think it is quite a different story. There are many marriages that have been not only saved, but renewed in such situations. You must be strong enough to confront your husband and not give him permission to have another woman and you, too. But, you must also know how to do this in a loving way.
Here’s how this coaching package will help you to end your spouse’s affair and rebuild your marriage:
- You will learn how to correctly combine boundaries with love to foster love while also fostering respect for you.
- If have not yet confronted your spouse, then we will prepare for your confrontation.
- You will learn how to invite a response from your spouse that will help you to make a good decision about whether to continue your marriage.
- You will learn how to handle a rejecting spouse in a loving and secure manner.
- You will learn how to begin the process of cooperating that will make your spouse more willing to work in marriage counseling or coaching.
- The emphasis will be on good boundaries, clear, honest, and open communication.
- You can be confident that your behavior will build respect while also giving your spouse the best conditions for reconciling.
How much better could you sleep at night knowing you were giving your marriage the best chance to work?
There is nothing easy about dealing with an affair. But, handled correctly, it can be the chance for a new beginning.
Love must be tough and this is never more true than when your spouse is having an affair. Having worked with many men and women in this situation, I know that people more often get lies than the truth, and fighting instead of cooperation. I know that when confronted, a person’s first instinct is to lie, and lie strongly, then after that to blame and distance. Unprepared, it can be hard to deal with these responses in a secure way that will leave you feeling in control. Your spouse may retreat from you and leave you not knowing what is going on internally, or in his or her relationship with the other man or woman. It’s a perfect setup for continuing to feel used and rejected. It can leave you “on hold,” while your spouse is either deciding what to do or is secretly preparing to leave you. With this coaching package, you won’t feel like you are being “left on hold.” Also, you will be prepared to not only respond to the way your spouse talks to you, but also to do the unexpected–to connect. We won’t treat your spouse like he or she is evil (better just to get out if you want to do that), but will treat your spouse with firm boundaries and compassion. To help you understand this, let me help you to imagine something:
Imagine that you had an affair because you thought something was terribly missing in your life (maybe because of problems in your marriage or a mid-life crisis). You didn’t know how to get that from your spouse, but found someone who gave that to you. It made you feel wonderful, but you also had big knots in your stomach and would feel sick thinking about how this would hurt your spouse. Then, you are confronted by your spouse and told how terrible you are and that you have one chance to hold onto your marriage or else. So, you end the affair, but your spouse keeps treating you like crap because of what you did. You know you deserve it, but you feel so alone, rejected, and disgusting. You are afraid of going to counseling because you think it will just be a blamefest that you will have to endure. You are imagining that the rest of your marriage is going to be a long, unhappy sacrifice.
You have to have good boundaries with your spouse, but you also need to have compassion and a willingness to connect. Otherwise, even if you save your marriage, you will lose it. That’s why I work with you on being tough, but being loving, too.
Every affair is unique
There is a big difference between a spouse who has an affair after only a couple of years of marriage versus a spouse who has an affair after 30 years of marriage. There’s also a big difference between a spouse who has an affair when his or her marriage is going well and a spouse who has an affair during a loveless and distant marriage. What makes the difference is the motivation of the person having the affair and the amount of concern that he or she has for his or her spouse. That’s why one of our first moves, after confrontation, will be discovering the motivation behind your spouse’s affair and how much he or she still cares for you. We can then use that information to start to rebuild your marriage or protect you from being hurt and used. This marriage coaching package was created to help you with the most stressful and delicate time that any marriage can face.
Here is what you will get with this one month, all-inclusive Re-Connections Relationship Coaching package:
1. Four one-on-one sessions with me, Coach Jack by telephone or Skype (available with Basic, Standard, and Deluxe Packages). I guarantee that every time we talk together, you will walk away knowing what to do next. Real coaching is not talk therapy. It is learning to apply a specific set of skills to reach the goals you want to reach. This package will help you to overcome your spouse’s objections to your marriage and make him or her want to be with you.
2. A relationship assessment (available with Basic, Standard, and Deluxe Packages). This will help you understand the issues that are most important to your husband or wife. While you may know clearly the key things he or she does not like, that is a long way from understanding what he or she needs. Becoming sensitive to those needs is important for creating desire in your spouse as well as for your understanding of what you need to work on.
3. A life assessment (available with Basic, Standard, and Deluxe Packages). You will use this to start making yourself into a secure, happy, and successful person. Your spouse is not going to come back in order to rescue you from your loneliness or misery. If you try to get your spouse to feel sorry for you or guilty, it is an incredibly needy tactic that will turn him or her off even more. You get no sympathy points with a departing spouse. Contrast these two statements–“You’ve got to come back to me because I’m miserable without you (needy, self-focused, unattractive),” and “I’m happy, my life is really going well, and I want you to be a part of it” (secure and attractive). Sympathy gets attention, but success gets attraction.
4. Coaching summaries or mp3 recordings of your sessions (available with Standard and Deluxe Packages only). With the standard and deluxe packages, you don’t need to hurriedly try to take notes and talk at the same time. After every session, you will receive a summary of the main points and action steps from that session. Referring to your coaching summary between sessions will help to keep you on track and confident that you know what to do.
Hi Rachel, in today’s session we talked about how to confront your husband about his affair and practiced dealing with a few ways he might respond. Here are some reminders:
- Make sure you pick a public place. You decided that you would like meet at the …
- There is no need to be hostile when you are talking, in fact you should…
- If he asks for your evidence that he is having an affair, be sure not to…
- (plus more bullet points)
5. Extra, personalized email help as you need it (available with Deluxe Package only). Those getting the Deluxe coaching package will be able to get a personal response to their email questions every Monday through Friday. This is NOT pre-written, general email that you will get from most coaching services. This is real, personal, individual email contact between you and me. Enjoy the security of getting a quick answer to what’s troubling you without needing to wait until your next session. This can save you many sleepless nights, and make you feel sure that you are doing the right things throughout the week.
Client email: Coach Jack, my wife said she wasn’t seeing that guy anymore, but I just discovered that they were texting during her work time today. What should I do when she comes home? Coach Jack’s response: Hi John, I know this sounds awful, but we don’t know exactly what the message was about. Be sure not to trick your wife into lying to you, but let her know what you know. Use the same method we talked about for listening during a confrontation to hear her out about it.
For the same price you would pay for a weekend away, you can improve your relationship for a lifetime. (Six month financing is available for US citizens through PayPal).
Basic package (Four 30 minute sessions + above features): $493.90
Standard package (Four 45 minute sessions + above features): $740.85
Deluxe package (Four 60 minute sessions + above features): $1187.80
Getting coaching is easy as 1, 2, 3:
- Click on the “Order Now” button below.
- Fill out the sign up form which will ask you your preferred coaching time.
- When you submit the form, it will take you to PayPal for your secure payment.
That’s it! Coach Jack will email you times and days you can choose from for your first session.