Become a Secure and Desirable Partner (Coaching Package)
Learn to stop demanding and controlling behaviors and how to be a loving and secure person instead.
The benefits of becoming More Secure:
- You will get more respect
- You will get more love
- You will be more desirable
- Your partner will look forward to seeing you
- You will no longer feel like a victim
- You will be more loving and respectful of others
- You will become marriage material
- You will be able to stop arguing without giving in
- You will be able to love without fear
1. You don’t have to feel hurt, rejected, jealous, or neglected
You don’t need to spend a lot of energy trying to make sure that your partner loves you the way you want to be loved. That is needy behavior which will only make your partner lose all interest in you.
Instead, you can focus on doing things that will both help you to enjoy your life more and make you more attractive to your partner. Instead of focusing on preventing your partner from leaving you, you can become the kind of partner that your partner (or anyone) would not want to lose. THAT is what will create a more secure relationship.
2. Start by identifying exactly what you do that is needy
A needy behavior is something people do, thinking that it will improve their relationship, but actually harms their relationship. Examples of this include (but are not limited to), criticizing, complaining, arguing, nagging, seeking reassurance, talking about problems, excessive explaining, interrogating, repeated apologies, and promising.
Many times people do these things because that is what they heard that they should do. Other times, it is because it is what they have learned growing up in their family. Because they believe so strongly that this is the way to behave, they do these behaviors over and over. Eventually that drives others away.
To see that these behaviors are in fact destructive, all you need to do is to look at what happens when you do them. The light of experience can expose many false beliefs we have incorporated. These behaviors also are not consistent with Christian beliefs. Love is patient and kind, and it isn’t self-seeking.
Giving up neediness does not mean becoming submissive or weak. It means becoming effective at doing things which really create change, rather than just creating conflict. It means focusing on creating desire rather than preventing rejection. A desirable and secure person does not need to fear rejection.
3. Replace insecure behaviors with attractive and secure behaviors
Stopping needy behaviors prevents more damage, but it doesn’t build relationships. For that, you must replace the damaging behaviors with behaviors which promote your relationships. You need to help others to feel like you think they are the best. At the same time, you need to know how to use boundaries to deal with any damaging behaviors that they have. It is this combination (loving and secure) that people really want. That is the kind of person they fall in love with.
These skills will help you to be confident and loving, rather than fearful and angry
People who have these skills bring out the very best behavior in their partners and easily get commitment. They are able to love fully and be themselves because they don’t live in fear of losing their relationship. Single people who learn these skills go from having serial breakups to long term relationships. And, they no longer “settle” for others who aren’t right for them. Married people who use these skills are able to restore love and commitment to failing relationships.
All packages include one-on-one sessions with Coach Jack by phone, Skype, or Zoom
Coaching Options (Details)
1. Four one-on-one sessions with Coach Jack by telephone, Skype, or Zoom (available with all packages)
I guarantee that every time we talk together, you will walk away knowing what to do next. Real coaching is not talk therapy. It is learning to apply a specific set of skills to reach the goals you want to reach. This package will help you to overcome your spouse’s objections to your marriage and make him or her want to be with you.
2. A relationship assessment (available with all packages)
This will help you understand the issues that are most important to your husband or wife. While you may know clearly the key things he or she does not like, that is a long way from understanding what he or she needs. Becoming sensitive to those needs is important for creating desire in your spouse as well as for your understanding of what you need to work on.
3. A life assessment (available with all packages)
This is a self-help tool you can use this to start making yourself into a secure, happy, and successful person. Your spouse is not going to come back in order to rescue you from your loneliness or misery. If you try to get your spouse to feel sorry for you or guilty, it is an incredibly needy tactic that will turn him or her off even more. You get no sympathy points with a departing spouse. Contrast these two statements–“You’ve got to come back to me because I’m miserable without you (needy, self-focused, unattractive),” and “I’m happy, my life is really going well, and I want you to be a part of it” (secure and attractive). Sympathy gets attention, but success gets attraction.
4. Coaching summaries or mp3 recordings of your sessions (available with Standard and Deluxe Packages only)
With the standard and deluxe packages, you don’t need to hurriedly try to take notes and talk at the same time. After every session, you will receive a summary of the main points and action steps from that session. Referring to your coaching summary between sessions will help to keep you on track and confident that you know what to do.
Hi Tom, in today’s session we talked about how to make more of an emotional connection with your wife when you go to see your kids on Sunday. Here are some reminders:
- Before you go to pick up the kids, text her and …
- When you first greet her, be sure to…
- If she brings up the money issue, arrange…
- (several more recommendations)
5. Extra, personalized email help as you need it (available with Deluxe Package only)
Those getting the Deluxe coaching package will be able to get a personal response to their email questions every Monday through Friday. This is NOT pre-written, general email that you will get from most coaching services. This is real, personal, individual email contact between you and me. Enjoy the security of getting a quick answer to what’s troubling you without needing to wait until your next session. This can save you many sleepless nights, and make you feel sure that you are doing the right things throughout the week.
Client email: It’s been two days since I have heard from my spouse. Should I send him a text?
Coach Jack: Remember that chasing after your spouse decreases his desire for you rather than increases it. Use this time to work on those skills we talked about in your session so that when you do have contact, he will enjoy it more. That combination will make him contact your more.
Not sure if this is the package you need?